Gayla's Magazine

Pastor's Wives are First Responders

Dear Pastor's Wife,

I have been right where you are.... This is common for pastors wives to hold up the arms of the ministry. I learned a few things along the way that can help to keep from overwhelmed with all you are having to do at church.

1. Become a self feeder outside of church services. We are pouring out during services so learn to work on one’s own relationship with God. There are great worship /teaching services that are even better when being alone with God. Use other ministry tools online to help. Plus it will make us all stronger Christians in the end

2. Start training young women to help with the many responsibilities. They can learn to be in leadership and there are young women to help out.

3. Actually you are a great help to your husband and the work of the Lord. Be encouraged that what is being done through your hands matters!

4. God will reward you in many ways for being a servant. Having a servants heart reaps many rewards as He said 'a servant is the greatest in the Kingdom'. So serve with joy and a undivided heart.

5. Don't believe the enemy. He is the one trying to discourage us by putting our eyes on the sheep. They are not perfect.... don’t start thinking that it’s your job to perfect them. That’s God’s job.... ours is just to love them closer to Christ.

Be strong and take care of yourself... You matter! Organize some 'me' time so your 'emotional well' doesn't get drained.

I used to think I couldn't 'do it all' and many times could have learned to work smarter not harder. But I had to learn the hard way. You are not alone we all are in this together! The ministry is a privilege as we represent JESUS to the lost, the blind, the religious and the hurting. Your work is helping another woman be fed spiritually... It's important. I honor you and will be praying for you dear Pastor's Wife.  You are a first responder to many hurting people around you day by day.  You MATTER! 

 

It's Not What I Know..... It's Who I Know

Being asked ‘how are you doing?’ makes me speechless. It can be said that the waves of grief hit when unexpected. And it takes concentration to hold on to what is solid..... Christ the SOLID Rock.... when the waves of sorrow hit. God is found within the crashing waves of pain and sorrow.

 

This truth remains true when loss comes through the pilgrimage from earth to heaven. I have such a loss now and the turning of the chapter from wife to widow often leaves me wordless and swimming thru the waves.

 

I have found a definition of loss can be described like this. There are 45 years of marriage and ministry that cannot be soothed in the kindness of my many friends and family. It remains as half of my heart is gone, morning... noon... night.

Yet Christ remains and offers me a life raft each time a wave knocks me off my feet. Sometimes this adjustment is calm acceptance and sometimes it’s wild with stormy pain.

 

A simple statement can trigger the emotions of raging waves so I walk carefully. Sometimes it cannot be avoided like seeing his sunglasses on the sun visor in the car I drive.

 

All is lost yet all is found day by day. Only G&G remain in the sunset while the other G is in sunrise. I remain happy for him.

All is here yet all is gone day by day.

That is how I am doing.... all is ok until a wave comes. So my focus remains on Who I know.

G & G

I bought this cup just for this morning.... the morning after my husband's Legacy Memorial Service. Just setting by the fire thinking of all the gracious people who have been here for the past three days.

 

Powerful Bishops, successful business people, my beloved family, darling friends of all ages ..... thank you ALL for your love and wisdom for me. I have many texts I will read today sent by your loving hearts to me. 

 

Thank you for the generous offerings sent to Moms Against Hunger. I will complete the current MAH projects and make The Man proud. 

 

Today I will launch into the next chapter of life for I am not alone. The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He hath anointed me ...... 

G&G

 

One of us now ‘lives happily ever after’.

Everyone asks me how are you doing? The truth is I don’t really know day to day. I try to go through each day with a quiet heart as my decisions are being made. Because of so many people praying for me there is a calm like I’m being carried. It’s been two weeks since my husband ascended.

I remember our last meaningful conversation when I put my cheek next to his and whispered to him not to forget me when he got to Heaven. He said aloud, “I will never forget you in Glory... I will never.... never forget you in Glory.” And we both wept mingling our tears. He’s not crying anymore.... but I am. I guess 45 years together causes this.

 

It was just the three of us when he passed.  G&G&G  like always.  The presence of God, Greg and Gayla. I was holding his hand when he left. So how am I?  I will never forget the last two hours of his life.... how weak he became and how strong I became in assisting his ascending to Heaven. I know the Lord was very present in the room with us  from 4 am to 6:05 when he left me.   An unforgettable experience to me. 

 

I am truly happy for him and relieved that he will never suffer again and that I know where he is. In Glory.

And me? I have my incredible family who have walked every step of this journey with me. Angela and Sean, Jake and Grace who make me smile, bring hugs and love all through out each day. Thank God they live so close!  And the people of Relate Church who brought me hot meals for WEEKS! For my big brother Alan who came to stay with me the very next day. For Karen and Steve who have been so close to me through the months of caregiving. For my two private friends who came and pulled 3 chairs close to the fire in my fireplace and spent hours with me 5 days later.

I have beautiful friends all over the world who tell me I am loved. Bishops and Pastors across America who  traveled here to be with me at his Legacy Memorial Service

And most of all..... the incredible Lord of Heaven and Earth, my Savior Jesus Christ who held both of our hands in and during his passage and now holds mine. 

So I will be ok walking through the waves of grief and laughter. The Man would expect that of me.....

I am tight with all of you and life will continue because of each one in my life.

I humbly say thank you for the hundreds of texts, emails, calls and visits to me. I am overwhelmed by your show of support. Thank you.

From being the Wife of the greatest man I have ever known, to become the Widow of one of God's Generals now appeared in Eternity. 

It's now just G&G....... one of us is finally Home. And the other one turns the page of being his helpmeet to just being God's Girl to carry on the torch of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  

 

The Legacy of Bishop Gregory Holley

 

The mortal has put on immortality..... My husband of 45 years had ascended to Glory. It’s over. His epic battle has been won. The General has defeated the enemy.... he has the flag of victory held high at last..... and death, hell and the grave have been conquered.... there is now no sting, no pain and no fears at last.

He served thousands as Pastor, Missionary, Ministry Coach, Bishop, Father, Grand Prelate and Ministry Developer..... across 33 nations.  But to me he was my beloved husband and father of our daughter and our eternal child in Heaven. 

The Gates of Heaven have opened to the Lord’s incoming warrior.... He is Home...... and reverently laid down his sword before the Lord.

 

Psalms 116:15

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His Saints. Go Rest High.... You deserve it after your lifetime of ministry to the world.  

Words of Wisdom

 What is the important thing to remember about life?  

2 things.....

1. 1. The sun will come up tomorrow.
2. 2. You never know what the tide will bring in to you!

Your past does not have to hold on to you like a ball and chain.  It is over and you have moved on..... but sadly many remain stuck right here, just looking backwards at their ongoing life!  Tomorrow is a new day for you.  Unless your deadline with life is over, trust me the sun IS coming up tomorrow for your life. It will be a new day to begin again.

Instead of being defined by the 'past PAST', use it as the preparation for an incredible future.  One in which you are well prepared by the many lessons you have experienced in your life.  It doesn't have to be the currant definition of you!  But the many trials and tribulations brought the sediment of wisdom and character into your life  and deposited it when the storms of the raging sea ended.    You never know what the tide brought in to bless your life with.  Start looking within and without..... there are blessings laying along your pathway even now! 

What did you gain? What has been left in your heart and mind as a certain developed formula for the future?  Stop thinking 'it's all over..... I'm done'.  Oh no... girlfriend  you are just getting started! 

Those are now valuable tools in your hands.  Tools of how to manage better, get along with people better, work smarter, be wiser in all of your dealing in life.  What you have been through  is merely the preparations for an incredible future.  

Ask me! I know! Why?  It happened to me! 

Parenting Skills

 Often Pastors wives are the ones who deal with children issues at church. Worn out mothers often are dealing with unruly kids, and by the time they get to church they just want someone else to deal with them. So the PW has got to use tact, gently lead and yet get control so the child doesn’t cause a disterbance in a church service! 

Meanwhile the role of parents is to train up (work with, practice with, instruct, lead, correct model, and encourage good behavior) their own children. Alas, this seems to be the forgotten purpose of having a family,  in the race to gather material goods and money instead of raising good moral children. 

Pastors wives cannot raise the church family’s kids. She can encourage and instruct for the possible 2 hours once a week. Maybe.... that is if faithful people attend weekly. She is looked to for parental advice by women, who are overworked, exhausted and the demands of ‘bigger and better’ are forcing her to pay the price of having others raise her children. 

Many Pastors wives would like to say, “stop working outside of your home. Your children are desperately needing parenting.”  Yet they cannot say so because they will be accused of offending church goers. Yet the truth remains.... 

Kids cannot raise themselves. So strangers in daycares, and teachers are forced to barely shape them and give them life skills. They don’t love these kids.... they are paid to do a job. So children grow up without the daily nurturing and loving attention of their parents. Then when they act out because they NEED attention, parents just don’t get it. 

This Pastor’s Wife (me) is speaking out..... kids are not necessarily ‘bad kids’. It’s that no one has made them the focus and center of their life. There is no one to love them as much as their parents do! Be sure you put them first. Not a career..... not sports..... not a club.... not money..... not material goods. Your child. Once they are grown, it’s over. No further chance to shape them into good people. 

Do it right the first time.... it’s the only chance you will have. The Pastors Wife wants to tell you but can’t.... she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. But she’s hoping you will understand the truth and your calling in life. Meanwhile she smiles and tries to help another mother’s child calm down in church. 

The Pieces of Peace Luncheon

Ministers Wives pour out so much of themselves into the lives of those whom they serve that often.... more times than not they haven't enjoyed their own event. Or they didn't even taste the food that they made sure was wonderful for others. So part of my focus for ladies in ministry is to host events just for them! 

They deserve special details to let them know how much the Lord loves them and how much they are needed in the work of God. 

So for this special Year of Peace, my creations were to delight their eyes and please their palates with delicious  goodness. 

This very intimate setting allows us to share hearts and prayers privately.  As ministers wives there are many subjects and varied responsibilities to discuss .

Along with laughter, fun and a safe place to let their hair down....

The subject was Pieces of My Peace and the different parts of our lives that we must cultivate peace within. 

 

What Minister's Wives do in a Storm

It is not the good times that makes her strong…..

It has not been the successful, fun, and blessed times of life that makes God's daughter resilient….

Neither is it a lifetime of honor that  gives her such power in a storm……

It is…… finding Him in the darkness.

It is finding Perfect Love that overwhelms the sadness, the pain, the sorrow, the lack, the suffering, the losses.

It is being held in the Everlasting Arms while storms rage and torments happen.

It is being focused on Him instead of the distraction of deep trouble. Clearing the gaze of all human abilities, all human emotions, all human values. And only seeing ….. Him...... and leaning on Him...

Psalms 122:7

May there be peace inside your defenses and prosperity inside your fortresses!

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you: my peace I give to you:  I do not give it to you as the world does.  Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage.  

Here is where true peace is found for leaders.... in any type of storm.

A Letter to Young Pastors Wives

Dear Young Pastor's Wife,

Four little lessons that I have learned (the hard way)

I know you feel a bit overwhelmed at times, like you are in over  your head.  People can be hard to deal with.... filled with their own selfishness and have lots of opinions about you or your husband. Older people can be tough to deal with in the church, and you may feel intimidated by them. I will spare you the details of many a tear shed by pastor's wives over the 'saints' as they are called.  But here are 4 things to let sink in that pretty head of yours....    

1. God chose YOU to be married to HIS servant.  He had a reason and guided your destiny towards this.  You didn't pick this life for yourself.  God did.  Rest assured He knows what He is doing.

2. It's not about talent.  It's about trusting God to do what you cannot.  You don't have to know how to do it all.  God will lead you and take charge when we let Him.  

3. Remember it is God's church.... not the peoples, and not ours.  So it's not our place to manage everything that happens.  Let God stay in charge of His Church, and stay in your role. 

4. Remain the supportive wife to your husband... there are many who can do all sorts of things in the church, but only ONE person can take care of the Pastor - and that person is YOU. 

Hope this little note helps...

Your Peer, 

Dr Gayla