Gayla's Magazine

Ovarian Cancer

This is another chapter in my life that I must tell you about. This incredible experience shaped me irrevocably, and has become a part of who I am in the joy and peace of serving God. I already told you about the first two brushes with cancer (look below in posts under the heading 'My Miracle Life')

When I was around 30 years old, I started experiencing pain in my abdomen, low on the left side, a nagging pain that would last for several hours at a time.  I ignored it and kept working.  Then it got to be often. My excuses for not dealing with it were - I am tired - we were in a building program - I'm teaching our daughter in home school - I manage our Love Center - I am the children's pastor - I feed the construction team everyday - so I ignored it.  Then one day it exploded in such pain that I doubled over in pain unable to stand.  This happened right after church one day and I was in my husband's office, which is where he found me laying on his couch. 'That's it!  We are going to deal with this and find out what is going on with you', he told me. 

So we started the tests routine and it was discovered that I had a mass on my left ovary, with another one on the other side.  With my past records in hand, my doctor told us the chances of it being ovarian cancer was a very real possibility. And that we needed to deal with this quickly.  I remember this being in October and the weather was beginning to get cold. With his words ringing in my ears, we went home with bottles of pain killers, to wait on his arrangements with the hospital for surgery. 

I remember thinking - 'here we go again.  I'm exhausted'. Now any pastor's wife knows that a building project is terribly trying and the personal cost to the pastor and his family is overwhelming at times.  I was at that overwhelmed point, and was ready to give up.  I thought,  'why not just give in and not fight. It's too much work to try to stand in faith and push against  it.  I don't want to keep everyone propped up, and try to keep my head up.  I am not afraid of this, nor of dying.  In fact going home to be with Jesus would be wonderful. It would be such a relief to be free of life and it's responsibilities. Maybe it's time to check out and let go'.

So quietly without telling any one about my feelings - I just lived in silence and waited for the coming day.  I determined in my heart, if death comes in surgery I am going with it.  I will just release and go to Jesus. I am tired of pushing for a church to be birthed, trying to get people to live for God, weary of the feeble efforts and poor excuses of people to help us build. Tired of a past organizational structure that had constantly pressured us to be something and someone we were not. And then persecuted us when we left them. The years of toil and work, had made us pay a price, that I no longer could bear.  These thoughts  led me to keep my mouth shut and look ahead past the doorway of life, into eternity and I knew where I wanted to go. 

The call came ...... within a week.  I remember being focused only internally.  The night before surgery, I had an extraordinary supernatural experience.

In the middle of that night, I was awakened by the voices of people.  Our bedroom was filled with elder people in white robes and they were talking about me!  'She was brought through many experiences to prepare her for what's ahead.  She went through this ...... and that...... ' and they were discussing my life!  I looked at them speechless and they looked at me!  Then suddenly another one of them - a woman (whom I recognized - for when I was a child in Africa, I had seen her picture in a magazine and touched her picture and ask God for her anointing! I had totally forgotten this, had never seen her in person, and had never thought of it again! But when I saw her I was instantly reminded of my little girl prayer!)

That very woman stood at the end of my bed, pointed a long slim finger at me, and said these EXACT WORDS.  "You mean you are going to quit before the greatest battle of the Church"?!?! Her accusation and resounding words hit me like a ton of bricks! Then all of the people vanished instantly!

I was astonished at first, and found myself setting up in bed, in the darkened bedroom I begin to urgently repent to God of my death wish! I realized that if I chose to go, I would not complete something God had given me to do, and had anointed me to do!   He had answered my childhood prayer!!!! After I calmed down, I woke up my husband and repented to him and told him I will not die, I have a destiny to fulfill. I felt like fire had entered my body and I was charged with energy.

The next day we went to the hospital, the doctors were very concerned - but I was convinced that all would be okay. I remember telling them, it's okay - let's go to surgery. (No one can tell you any other opinion, when you have had a experience from God) They did the surgery, and yes there were masses on both of my ovaries.  They removed them (ovariotomies) and it took 4 hours to clean out all of the tentacles of the growing masses. They sent them to the lab for the report before closing me up.  And upon the labs report, my doctors discovered there was no trace of cancer. They were surprised and shocked but I was not. My confidence in God was rock solid. I knew He had a plan for me.

I came out of that hospital, weak in my body - it took me a year to recover my strength.  But in my heart I was very strong.  I had crossed a barrier and now had a secret God had revealed to me in the midst of my pain. 

Not only did God turn my physical and emotional weakness into strength, but He also removed the $40,000.00 hospital bill!  One of the Nuns of the Catholic hospital where I was at, walked into my room and told us that they wanted to pay for our hospital costs, seeing that we were pastors and doing God's work.  God bless the Nuns!

Later when I was released, another charity foundation, paid for my doctor's bills.  Another $6,500. 00!  I would not trade this experience for anything in this world.  God can do abundantly more than you can think or ask. 

This is my record and testimony about my third brush with cancer. God is bigger than cancer. And my family once again had the bonding experience of knowing God in the midst of a huge challenge.          

God's Protective Details

I have just got to tell you about a sequence of events that were all tied together in God's divine providence over us on this trip! Big events - because of small episodes.

It starts with the day before we left.  My husband pulled the RV out of it's bay, parked it in a way he normally does not - in the middle of the parking lot - got out to attend to something a staff member needed, and was getting back into the Coach and happened to see something in the front right tire.  Getting closer he could tell it was a nail or something.  Now in a big rig this is not something you ignore.  These tires are big - and if one blows out - it's a serious issue.  So he gets a tire man to come out and repair it.

This is what he pulled out.  Who knows where this came from.  Something this big definitely could cause a blow out if the brakes were hit just right and the heated tire was in bind.  So thankfully we got it fixed and remarked so glad you parked like that and God let you see this thing.  Worse is to be on a trip and try to get someone to help out alongside a freeway!!!

So we leave for our 2,000 mile trip for 6 days. On the way back home,my husband is remembering the big tire issue he decides to check them all again.  Now the big rig has 8 wheels, and adding the car's 4 wheels he walks around and noticed that there is something in one of the car tires!  Being the responsible man that he is, it's time to fix this one.

We stop at a Walmart to tend to it, and they take 2 solid hours to do so.  The workers were fooling around and having a party instead of working their jobs.  Yes it was a little irritating to watch them.  We gotta go.... come on..... we wanted to say.

 

Those 2 hours saved our lives.

When we got back on I10 suddenly there was a traffic stop on the freeway - and turning on the news we find out that 2 hours ago a massive accident had happened right where we would have been traveling if not for fixing the tire. We sat on the freeway for over an hour! 

Here are the news photos from the wreck. It spread across both sides of the freeway and involved 3 semi rigs and 10 cars!  By the time we inched past the bodies were removed but the fires continued to burn.  It was a horrific accident! 

Thinking back - if we hadn't had the big rod in our front tire - we would not have been conscious of looking out for our other tires along the way.  And if we hadn't stopped and fixed the next tire with the screw in it - we would have surely been involved in this tragic accident.  God is so good to order our steps day by day.

 

Breast Cancer - Part 2

My second brush with cancer taught me warfare.  I had been busy as a Pastor's wife and being a mother.  We home schooled our daughter, so my days were filled with schoolwork, a church building project and lots of church functions in Illinois.

You can read about my first cancer episode under the heading,   'My Miracle Life' - Breast Cancer Part 1.

I discovered a lump in the same place again, and my first thought was, 'here we go again'!  This time I managed to hold it together a little better, having lost my fear of dying the first time.  The doctors give us their sobering diagnosis - surgery again. People in our church did not know what to say - so basically no one said anything.  My family was in Africa, and my sweet mother in law came and stood with us through it. My husband was steady and strong for me during this whole experience.   

I remember spending quiet time alone and coming to a decision within myself. I was not afraid to die - just wanted to have it mean something if I did. And my decision was this:  OK if it's cancer - and I die - I am going straight to the Throne of God and tell him what satan did to me.  I am going to tell God about all the things he's thrown at us. I determined to be the biggest tattletale Heaven has ever seen!  I will tell the Father how he hounded us and harassed us and molested us at every turn.  Nothing had been easy because the despicable rat has tried to ruin us at everything in life.  I made my mind up that I would make him regret he had ever caused my death.  I would be a thousand times more dangerous and troublesome to him in Heaven than I ever could be alive!  I planned what my opening lines would be - and I would become a weapon against him in the Heavenlies!  His actions against me, would come back on him in innumerable horrors! I remember saying, 'go ahead devil - and I will make you deeply regret you ever touched my life'!!!!!!  I can still feel my determination and my fierce reaction to the whole experience. I threatened him and promised him what I would do when I got to Heaven.

I said within my self, 'Bring it on........'   

With my mind made up, we went to the Hospital and while our church held their breath and prayed - I fell asleep under the surgeon's knife.  Somehow during surgery a decision was made to go ahead and do a lumpectomy , and then it was discovered that the tumor was not cancerous!  So I awoke to tubes and a relieved husband, and a slice of my body gone.

Slowly I recovered from the surgery and got back on my feet, with a dent shaped scar - that after time, completely filled back in.  Yes the scar is still there - but the dent is gone.   

My lesson?  Do we as believers have the right to back down the enemy?

I can tell you that ......... I am still here.

I can give you scriptures. There are hundreds of them. One that was a source of strength to me was,

Psalms 27:2-5

When the wicked even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh they stumbled and fell.

Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear,though war should rise against me in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the House of the Lord all the days of my life to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple. 

For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in his pavilion. in the secret of his Tabernacle shall He hide me He shall set me up upon a Rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me therefore will I offer in His Tabernacle sacrifices of joy I will sing, yes I will sing praises unto the Lord.

I as a Pastor's wife, began to sing and lead worship after this experience.

   

An Accident Waiting to Happen?

I am still thanking God for His protection today!  I could have been involved in a serious car accident this afternoon, but for His angelic care.

I was trying to cross a busy 4 lane road and listening to a teleconference with 3 people on my phone.  I know .... I know..... you don't have to say anything.  Doing too many things at the same time. 

I saw a opening in the traffic and a semi truck barreling along, but I knew I could cross ahead of him. Anyway I saw my chance to jump out in the traffic, and I did.  But I did not know another car was on the other side of the truck as the big rig was hiding him.  So when I crossed in front of the truck, instantly there was a car staring right at me.  I don't know how he did not broadside my car.  He was going as fast as the truck was. 

Somehow I shot across in front of him, scaring him and me badly!!!!! How did we not collide?  Only the mercy of God caused us to pass within a hairs width of each other.  Both of us were flying past.  I saw the car in a instant flash and then it was gone.  How do angels stretch out their arms and hold hurdling metal vehicles apart protecting the people inside? Only God knows. 

He gives His Angels charge over us.  I am glad I belong to Him.  And yes it's a wake up call to slow down and pay better attention to the road.  I pulled over immediately as my heart was pounding.  Got off the road and bowed my head in gratefulness. Those with whom I was on teleconference call with, never knew what could have just occurred.  But I did. And I excused myself from the call and soberly drove on dutifully chastised by the Lord.

My life continues on safely today - by another miracle from God.  Thank you Father for saving me.       

Breast Cancer - Part One

It's time to start telling an amazing miracle story.  Now what I am about to tell you will be told in several posts, as it's different chapters of my life. I am so thankful for each one of these chapters in my life - they are part of my spiritual foundation.

When I was 23 years old, our baby girl Angela was one.  We were about to leave Zimbabwe after spending 2 years there as missionaries. I discovered a lump in my breast and knew something was wrong.  So we went to the Doctor there in Harare Zimbabwe, it was about 1 month before we were returning home.  He examined me and told me very disturbing news.  "There is not enough time to take care of your health before you leave.  So when you get back home, go see a Doctor and get this looked at.  And I must tell you that by the time you are 40 years old you will need to have both breasts removed to preserve your life."

I was shocked and suddenly struck with serious thoughts that I had not had before.  Now I was living a great life, enjoying being a mommy and a wife and loving my African life. We had so many friends there that were all our age and we all were having children together.  We were a whole church full of young marrieds that all loved each other.  But our families were urging us to return, and so reluctantly we had many goodbye parties and with promises to see everyone again we left, not knowing what the next chapter of life would bring to us. 

I won't bore you with lots of details, but in a short time upon returning home, we had been ask to pastor a church in East Texas.  Kirbyville to be exact.  So we moved there and began to make relationships and win people to the Lord.  Every now and then I would feel the lump and know that I would have to go see a Doctor soon.  So it was like a dark cloud always hanging over my head. 

When life calmed down, we did find a doctor - who ran tests and basically gave me my options.  Surgery right away. That's what my option was. Now I have to be a big girl and get ready for this.  I was a young pastor's wife who, by watching others thought that pastor's wives did not have problems, and we had to be strong for the women in our churches. Thank God I no longer have to play that sad game!

But at the time, I did.  So putting on a plastic smile and faking it like it did not bother me,  but it did.  And there were no friends around me who had been through this, so no one could really relate. So no one said anything to me and the subject was basically ignored.  My mother made arrangement to fly back to the States to be with me. Fear was my constant companion.  The doctors words would ring in my head.  We are not sure what we will find, you need to make a decision about having a mastectomy.  I hugged my baby and was terrified that I would not be around to see her grow up.  My family talked in hushed tones about cancer.  Hoping not to add to my fears, but my fears were full grown, and their looks only made me feel more alone. 

Crying at night into my pillow I faced the fact of my mortality.  One side of me said, you need to get it together you can't be afraid to die.  You are the pastor's wife - and can't admit THIS to anyone!  The other side said, I am soooo afraid and scared to die.  What if I am not saved.  What if I don't measure up?  What's death feel like?  I don't want to die young.  I want to be a Mom! Then the guilt - you are a believer what's wrong with you. Questions rolled over and over in my heart creating such anxiety and panic in my mind. 

Mom arrived and refused to let me lift anything thinking that it might help not spread 'anything' in my body.  Ha!  We all were dealing with our fears in different ways.  My husband put on a brave face and took me to all appointments and consultations, showing his support.  But what was there to say.  We just had to face this turn of events and go through it.  He prayed for my healing and had many others do so as well. 

The day of surgery arrived and I remember the doctor's words to me.  We will need to make some markings on  your body for the mastectomy.  And out came the black markers and the lines were drawn, while I am trying to stay calm inside.  I have to admit to you, my faith was zilch during this experience.  I dreaded this day.

Surgery happened.

Upon awaking in the recovery room, I tried to move my hands to feel around and there was a large lady nurse in white standing right next to me watching me.  Strangely she had a little white sign in her hands, and when she saw me stirring she pressed my hands back down and held up this sign.   It said,  'there was no cancer..... Thank God!'  I closed my eyes and went right back to sleep. 

And when I woke up the second time, a different nurse was there and she started talking to me, telling me the details.  I looked for the other nurse but never saw her again.  I started to feel relieved as if an enormous weight had been lifted off of me!  They had removed the lump and tested it again to find out that it was not cancerous.  I was incredulous about what suddenly had turned around and been reversed so quickly.   

As soon as I recovered we went home ever so grateful to God for my health. I was humbled and ashamed that I had not trusted God more.  And in His kindness He patiently heard all my cries and the many lies that had smashed into my heart, wrecking my peace.  He knew His plans for me so He was not worried.  And in His grace Jesus had healed me in the hour of my need. 

I wasted so much time in personal agony for naught! I promised myself not to self abuse ever again like that.  I felt so ashamed later privately washing those black marks off! And I heard this statement spoken quietly in my heart, 'the facts are not necessarily the truth'.   

What lesson did I learn in this chapter of life?  That my life is really not in my hands  that God is so much bigger than I - and He calmly takes care of my life safely in spite of my inner turmoil.  That my fears are just that, fantasies that are not reality.  That I needed to seriously devote myself to Him, to remove my mortality concerns about dying.  And most of all......... what I am so sure is the truth, can be changed instantly by God.  That breast cancer is not the boss -God is.   

And as the song says......... Oh for grace to trust Him more.    

Extraordinary Ordinary Event

Just a peek into my world. On the way to work I felt a special anointing and presence of the Lord as I am driving, and by the time I arrive I am wiping tears and must pull myself together to focus on the work that needs to be done. The days activities included some time spent at our Role Models of America Store.  It is under my supervision to watch over the donations coming in on a daily basis, and today is a day that the sorting of these donations happens. 

Now what I am about to tell you will show you that there is a God bigger and in control of all things no matter what! Every detail matters.

Someone donated the last remaining possessions of an elderly man (by the style of the clothing it's safe to say he was a older male).  And I am sorting his clothing, shoes and small little things and thinking about him and handling his things with care as I am the last person who will even know that all these items all belonged to a living person with feelings at one time.  Once his possessions are separated, they go different directions no one will ever think again about him when they wear his shirt, or use his things.  It always makes me think when handling someone's last things, to handle them with respect.  When in the bottom of the ordinary garbage bag of which his personal effects have been loaded I find a well used Bible.  It's been handled so much that there are marks on it and it's obvious that he was a man a person of prayer and spiritual walk before the Lord. It's worn leather covers have been well handled and I realize I am holding the life flow of this man's life. His Word.  His Light. His Comfort. His Peace. His settled ETERNITY!  My handling of his garments and papers becomes even more careful as it's sure to be the last things of a prayer warrior Christian.  Tenderly I set aside his precious Bible on the table.....

One of our Community Service girls (the tough girl type) walks to the room where I am working, looks at me... pauses.... I smile at her.... and she takes a breath and asks me the  question.  "So.... you are a Pastor right"?  And with that question she literally changed her destiny and future. 

"Yes I sure am and I love being one, why?"  She immediately starts telling me that she needs to be baptized and would I help her to do it. After probing a little to find out what she knew about the reason for baptism - it's obvious she knows and is ready to make this commitment.  I assured her it would be done at the next service. Then she tells me she has never owned a Bible so she did not know much. 

Reaching over to the table and the old prayer warrior's weapon, I picked up his Bible and gave it to her. she took it with both hands and hugged it to her body and thanked me for giving it to her. The biggest smile came across her face as she was so excited knowing this Bible was now hers! Not a clue of his battles fought and won with that very Bible, only the joy of having one of her own at last.

Now here's the truly remarkable Hand of the Lord.  An old prayer warrior's hand opens and his fingers slack for the last time as his life fades away and he departs for Heaven.  And his old Bible may have fallen out of his arms as he leaves this earth - no need for the written Word anymore, he is in the presence of the Living Word now forever.  God sees to it that his Bible gets put into the ordinary garbage bag along with his few belongings.  And upon the appointed time with his Angels watching over that bag, someone decided to bring his things to our RMA store in the form of a donation.  And when God has all things ready, His lost daughter in place, the right timing in her life, me in place....... that very bag is presented to be unpacked, and the fullness of time happens again and the Bible that he has prayed over time and time again, goes from his now cold hands - straight into the hungry warm hands of a soul that is longing for God, and has never had the experience of knowing God.  And the prayers that I am sure he prayed over the lost, now come to pass - even after his death!!!! Extraordinary!

No one knows how many souls this girl will reach with the gospel.  She is a harvest field with many many souls that will be coming behind her. She is going to experience a complete life change and her testimony when the Lord gets done will be a great light to others in her generation!

The joy of all this to me personally?  Tonight I watched her be baptized in water and God and I share a secret smile - watching His Hand at work again in the most ordinary circumstances perform the most extraordinary miracle again - in the unfolding fullness of time, His perfection in every detail.  The death of his saint, His Word that is alive, and the returning of a soul back to it's rightful owner ... may God be glorified in every detail.

Extraordinary  Ordinary Event.    

Tornado!

It was a dark and stormy Saturday afternoon.  Easter Sunday was just a few hours away.  The parents of a newborn daughter finished up the duties of bringing their baby girl home from the hospital and had arrived home to find guests to welcome mom and baby home.  The mother laid the baby down. got out her new Easter outfit for church the next morning and laid it all on the bed.  Hat, shoes, purse and beautiful dress.  All was perfect.  She felt well and spent a few moments with her 2 year old son who was anxiously waiting to see the baby girl sister. 

Later that afternoon, a small gathering of kids came to the house for a youth meeting. And after a while the Dad noticed that the clouds had gathered darker and darker and he decided to take the small youth class back to their homes.  Having done so, and racing back to the house, he ran in the door as the wind picked up the bare dirt around the small yard and blew it inside when the door opened.

'I think this storm is a bad one Joyce - listen to that wind'!!! And looking out the window he saw the beginning twisting movements of a tornado gathering speed and coming straight for the house.  'It's a tornado'!  Making an instant decision he grabbed the baby from her cradle and his 2 year old son from his toys he ordered his wife to come to him and together they kneeled beside a inner closet wall and prayed for safety.  And hearing the deep rumbling train like noise getting louder and louder he prayed stronger and stronger.  Putting his arm around Joyce and huddling over the young child and the newborn, together they bowed over, closed their eyes and  and braced themselves for the tornado to hit!

Ripping wooden beams and shearing off roof bracing the storm hit with such a fury that it shattered glass and destroyed a home instantly!  Walls, windows, ceiling, furniture, flooring all crushed or picked up and removed from the foundation in seconds!  All except for one major wall .... was destroyed.  And the the huddling family hearing the noise starting to abate, noticed the children were both crying, it was pouring down rain on the four of them, and their house was gone!  With total shock they realized that the only wall standing was the wall beside which they had knelt!  God had truly protected their very lives.  With nothing but their lives, they slowly stood to their feet trying to comfort two screaming little ones and to stay calm themselves!

This is the porch of the house - the entire front of the house, including the bedroom, cradle and Easter dress all gone. And here is the wall that they were kneeling by, no one got even a scratch! Totally untouched by anything that was exploding right next to them.

Who are these people? They are my miracle parents, Reverend Samuel and Joyce Latta, the little boy's name is Samuel Alan, and I am their daughter, Gayla Joyce born 2 days before the tornado. And this photo is of my mother and brother leaving the destruction - look at the expression on her face, she still has this smile when facing life's giants even now!

What was the lesson in all of this?  To not say, 'why me Lord, but to say, 'Now what Lord'.  It opens doors that questions never will. It's how to turn troubles into blessings and will unlock one of life's secrets easily.  Life has brought me storms since the day of my birth, but then God also has brought me the victory each and every time!