Gayla's Magazine

Marriage Secrets for Women

December 27, 1975 - December 27, 2012

For 37 birthdays, and 37 special Christmases, 37 New Years and 37 Easters, for 37 new beginnings, for 37 unbelievable miracles and 37 unforgetable trials we've been through.  For 37 healings and 37 awesome events.  37 near death experiences and 37 breakthoughs, 37  really GOOD TIMES and 37 times of private laughs. For the nations and peoples we have served in the world.... For 1 sweet daughter, 2 Gkids and 1 precious baby in Heaven... we are still together after all these years...

 

G and G.... still together... after all these years...  

 

Happy Valentines Day!

Of all the places we have been around the world....

And all the fun and wild things we have done together...

I really don't care where we are in the world as long as we are together... it's Valentines Day for me! You still take my breath away!  36 years and more my heart belongs to you... my love, my Man, The Bishop Gregory Holley!!!!!

Happy Annivarsary to my Husband

Today is our 34th Wedding Anniversary. Happy Anniversary Darling... Another milestone has been reached, and my life is richer, fuller, wiser because of you.  Thank you for marrying me. 

Two Different Worlds

  I observed two different perspectives from a parent and a child recently. A dad and his daughter and the two worlds they operate within.

Daddy is trying to fish and  enjoy himself, the daughter is chattering and happy to be with her Father.  After a while he decides to maybe teach her how to fish to entertain her....

She is only thinking of how fun it is for Daddy to be with her.  She is not in learning mode, simply happy to be sitting beside him and him looking at her paying attention to her. 

He is trying to catch a fish..... and keep her line from tangling in the quiet evening.
She is giggling and thrilled he is there beside her.  He is getting a little tense by her disinterest in the goal of learning how to fish. She fidgets, talks loud, touches him constantly, smiling and glowing from his closeness.  In his mind he is trying to get her to focus, pay attention to the fishing pole, the line, the water, just to catch a fish.  She really does not care about learning, it's all about being TOGETHER with her Daddy in her mind. Shes laughing.... he's serious....

The birds ignore the mini drama going on beside them......  And the gentle lapping of the waves keep swishing over the sand again and again. The balance of life goes on all around the two people not quite in unity with each other.

I watch the differences between male and female that is happening even between father and daughter.  It's the same issue I see over and over again between men and women.  Man is focused upon challenges, goals and winning.  Woman is focused upon relationships, bonding, and communication.

He is focused on the project.... she is focused on the relationship. 

Can we all learn something valuable from this?   Here's your picture!

It takes both perspectives to give life richness and joy!

 

Boundaries in Marriage Seminar

The Boundaries in Marriage Seminar was a great success Saturday.  This thoughtful and insightful curriculum planned by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend is well written and thought provoking.  I highly recommend every church family to purchase and use this dynamic study.  I promise you as a pastor's wife, this material will challenge and promote healthy marriages in every church. 

Along with our son-in-law the three of us facilitated this material for a 6 hour seminar, in the Palace Theater.  We all worked hard, thought hard, talked hard and fast and learned ALOT!

Every couple that attended gained ground about themselves and how they relate to their spouse in reality.

Paula and Chuck held down one long row from their end, and Jasmine and James held the other end down!  Here are a few cute couples that attended!

Take a 5 minute break - to download the brain and absorb this powerful teaching.  The 10 Spiritual Laws of Marriage cannot be understood quickly in how a man or a woman works within these laws personally. How about some Starbucks coffee to help the material connect mentally!

Special thanks to Chuck and Deborah for providing the technical support for the whole day!

I leave you with one question........ if you always do what you always have in your marriage, you are always going to get what you always got! So isn't it time to invest in your marriage - instead of just quitting!

The Secret of a Lifelong Marriage

Attending a morning wedding in Galveston Texas, the Bishop and I arrive just before time to begin.  He is the minister performing the service and I am watching the whole performance, deep in my own thoughts.

Leslie arrives on her Dad's arm, as a fresh breeze flows across the guests.  It's a welcome breath as it is 93 degrees already!

The darling baby flower girl quickly loses interest and sets down under a shady area for some relief. 

As Thomas and Leslie say their vows to each other, I pray their words will last in their hearts and lives all the days of their lives. 

This young couple with bright hopes and dreams in their eyes are filled with joy today.  I wish them well and trust they know that life brings its highs and lows to each couple.  It's character and truthful living that causes a marriage to last for a lifetime. 

  Our 32 years have given both of us life lessons and deeper values year by year. What's the real secret of a life long marriage?

Actually in a sucessful marriage there are three parts. The man and the woman, then the third partner is God.  God is the bond, the unity, the strength, the forgiveness, the problem solver, the wisdom, the Healer and the Helper in each marriage - to those who include Him in their relationship.

Another wedding ..... another couple beginning married life. Marriage between a man and a woman is the glue that holds the fabric of society together.  Strong families are created by committed men and women who make a covenant between them and God. 

The words 'I promise..... so long as I live.... so help me God'  still rings true in the ears of God.

www.gregoryholley.com          www.rolemodelsofamerica.org   

Catch Phrases

At different times and for 8 weeks at a time, I teach a marriage class at New Life.  This is one of the lessons that is helpful to ALL married couples.  I thought I would share it with you – come….. let me show you a valuable technique.

Catch-phrases
Your secret code to defuse conflict
By Pam and Bill Farrel

Let's face it: opposites do attract—then annoy! That thing you first fell in love with really ticks you off after a while. That sexy, disheveled look now reminds you of a walking pigsty. The cute way she'd pout when she wanted you to do something now feels like pure manipulation. If we aren't careful, those initial attractions-turned-annoyances-turned-conflict can pull us apart.

We've found the best way to handle such annoyances is to deal with them before they become full-out conflicts. How? Believe it or not, it's as simple as using a "password" or "catch-phrase": key words the two of you agree on that allow you to get back on track in your relationship.

For instance, when we were newlyweds, I (Pam) was a bit of a drama queen. If Bill said something that hurt my feelings, I'd cry, "You don't love me any more!" then run to our bedroom, slam the door, throw myself across the bed, and wait for Bill to follow me in and apologize. It was quite the performance!

Bill patiently endured these outbursts, until one day when my brother, Bret, was over. I went into my melodrama, and instead of Bill following me into our room, Bret entered applauding, took a trophy off the shelf, and said, "For best actress, we have Pam Farrel!"

Bill was thinking, He's dead, and somehow I'm going to pay for this!                         

Instead of reacting with anger, though, I started to laugh. My brother knew me; my number was up. Bill realized that when my drama threatened our relationship, a little humor helped. So the next time I went into my acting routine, Bill walked in and quoted his favorite line from Rocky in his best, although not very good, Philly accent.

"Yo, Pam, you know what you get when you tap a turtle on the back? Shell shock. Get it? Shell shock." And I laughed.

Bill discovered a catch-phrase that would calm me, pulling me out of my melodrama and back into reality. From that moment on, any time tensions arise from our differences, such as when Bill is running 10 minutes late—again—one of us can simply pull out a bad Philly accent, or say, "Yo, Pam" or "Shell shock. Get it?" and tempers calm. Even tapping the back of our hand as if we're tapping an imaginary turtle will soothe our nerves or frustrations in a tense public setting.

Your secret code to defuse conflict

Creating a catch-phrase
1. Tie the catch-phrase to a good memory. One couple we know uses their honeymoon, "

Maui

," as a password because it reminds them that days aren't always as rough as the moment they're in! What have been some of the happiest days of your relationship? Reminisce—you might remember an inside joke or create a code word that encapsulates a positive shared experience.

2. Humor helps! You both might enjoy a movie line, a joke punch line, greeting card, or commercial slogan. Some friends of ours are completely different in personality. He's a strong power broker on Wall Street; she's a delicate flower of an artist. In the corporate world, his decisive and authoritative strengths have made him financially successful. But when he used those same traits at home, he built hurt and resentment between them by mowing over her thoughts and feelings during their conversations. As I (Bill) spoke with him about his unintentional, yet hurtful, actions, I suggested they find a password to clue him in that he was overpowering his wife. They both love the Warner Brothers cartoon Roadrunner, and thought that poor flattened coyote perfectly illustrated how she often felt.

Now when she feels overwhelmed by her husband, she just says in her best roadrunner form, "Beep, beep!" That means "Back off, buddy!" in the nicest way.

Another couple likes the show Home Improvement. When Chris tries to "fix" his wife's issues without letting her talk them out completely, she'll say, "Tim Taylor" or "You have your tool box out again."

3. You both need to agree. We've found phrases such as, "Get over it!" aren't very effective! Passwords shouldn't be a phrase one mate uses to club the other over the head, or snide, cutting remarks intended to force the partner to tow the line. Instead, choose a prearranged phrase that makes you both feel better emotionally.

I (Bill) found a way to handle a situation that's been irritating me for almost 10 years. I'm a one-task-at-a-time man who likes to start a project and finish it before I begin another. The only way I can do this is to limit the number of ideas I let myself juggle. Pam, on the other hand, is an idea person. She relaxes by coming up with and discussing new ideas. This energizes her. But listening to it all causes me stress and a lot of irritation!

Oftentimes, when we're sitting around relaxing, Pam will begin sharing her growing list of inspirational thoughts about how to make the world a better place. As I listen to what seems to be an endless stream of ideas, I become worn out.

For years I didn't understand this phenomenon. I felt overwhelmed because I thought I needed to act on every one of her ideas. If they'd been my ideas, I would not have shared them until I was ready to move on them. I assumed Pam was operating the same way. But she wasn't! One day I finally asked her, "Do I need to act on every idea you bring up?" "Of course not!" Pam replied. "I could never do all my ideas."The light went on for me. For the first time, I realized I didn't have to feel responsible for every item Pam brainstormed. What a relief!

I asked Pam, "When you share ideas that I really don't want to act on, can I say, 'Pam, that's a great idea?" With a twinkle in her eye, Pam said, "I think that's a great idea!"

"That's a great idea" has become a catch-phrase in our relationship

I (Pam) use it to prepare Bill for a difficult conversation. For example, I might say, "Hey, I have some great ideas I want to run by you. Is this a good time?" Or Bill can listen and respond to my long list of thoughts with, "Great ideas, Pam," which means, "I admire your creativity, Pam, but I'm not working on them right now!"

Make a date and review the happiest memories of your relationship to see if you already have a word or phrase you can use as your code. Passwords will give you the ability to maintain your patience, and you'll gain a way to regroup when those differences begin to bug you.

Memories to Capture Catch Phrases;

1. Vacation experiences

2. Movies lines that became memories

3. Food experiences

4. Song phrases

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.  ~Peter Devries

So to develop the depth of our characters, God sent the scrub brush of marriage to use on each other’s rough spots.   

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.  ~Author Unknown

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

To My Best Friend -My Husband

How many ways can I count that I love you?  You are the excitement of life, the thrills of many experiences, and you are the innovative, most creative man I have ever met. You are the cutting edge of God's purpose and plans for the next generation of ministry.  And I love you for your courage to step outside of the 'box of man's opinions' and have the bravery to try new ways to express the gospel in the earth. 

How do I love you?  After 32 years it's so many layers of memories! Your enthusiasm for life gives us so much fun! There is no one I would rather be with then you!  Thank you for your integrity to stand by your principals to the very end.  Together we have explored the depths and heights of our 20's, and 30's, then the 40's and now the 50's.  And the best is yet to come. 

Happy Valentines Day my darling, my love, my life.  I love you too! 

The Beach Wedding

The long awaited Wedding had been carefully planned and every detail taken care of in anticipation of their romantic destination wedding in Cancun Mexico.   

The day of the wedding, the Bride had this personal gift delivered to our room. It was a thoughtfully prepared bag of goodies to enjoy on their wedding day!  She had tucked all sorts of special things in that she thought we would enjoy on her wedding day.  What a thoughtful Bride!  I was impressed with her foresight and skill at planning ahead for each of her guests. - who all received special monogrammed bags with their own personal gifts to prepare for the couple's special wedding. From candles, and scents, suntan lotions, chap sticks, outdoor cameras, flip flops, drink holders, tissues, aspirin, candies, she thought of everything!

We all gathered at an outdoor lounge and relaxed for a short while, while everyone arrived.  There was a special area for ones shoes to be put on - this was to be a barefoot beach wedding attire. 

A few clouds developed but soon melted away in the distance, leaving us with a golden rainbow for a short while.  Perfect entertainment from God. 

Soon family members and close friends alike were all there awaiting this special moment in time.

The groom arrives and all are in place right on time to begin.

 

                    We all walked over to the perfect setting for the wedding.  The sun was just starting to set, and the shading was just right - no sun in anyones eyes.  And the breeze was just slightly blowing, it was an absolutely just right scene!

Then the music begins and the dreamy ceremony starts.  My husband is soooo good at this, his words and wisdom flow.  Everyone was captured by his tenderness to the Bride and Groom. His words of advice come from the Word of God, and our own 32 years of marriage. Well said, and well received.   

A picture is worth a thousand words! I bet you never guess who this couple is - if you don't know - you won't know.  My lips are sealed.

  There are weddings and then there are Weddings!  This one falls in the category of Unforgettable for sure. We pray for their life long and happy marriage.

At the Reception the tables were lavish with crystal and silver, silks and embroidered motifs.  Simply gorgeous! The slight breeze wafted in the open air reception area.  As you can see the Sea is right there, adding the background colors of the Caribbean ocean. 

Later at the Reception, each couple was given a starfish with their name attached with where they were to be seated.  Another thoughtful keepsake. They had seated friends with friends, family with family, parents with parents - all carefully arranged to give their guests their care and best attention.   

The dinner and music was great! It was one of the most enjoyable weddings we have been honored to attend. With lots of hugs and kisses we bade the Bride and Groom goodbye and took our leave of the evening. 

Sigh....... tooo much fun.