My second brush with cancer taught me warfare. I had been busy as a Pastor's wife and being a mother. We home schooled our daughter, so my days were filled with schoolwork, a church building project and lots of church functions in Illinois.
You can read about my first cancer episode under the heading, 'My Miracle Life' - Breast Cancer Part 1.
I discovered a lump in the same place again, and my first thought was, 'here we go again'! This time I managed to hold it together a little better, having lost my fear of dying the first time. The doctors give us their sobering diagnosis - surgery again. People in our church did not know what to say - so basically no one said anything. My family was in Africa, and my sweet mother in law came and stood with us through it. My husband was steady and strong for me during this whole experience.
I remember spending quiet time alone and coming to a decision within myself. I was not afraid to die - just wanted to have it mean something if I did. And my decision was this: OK if it's cancer - and I die - I am going straight to the Throne of God and tell him what satan did to me. I am going to tell God about all the things he's thrown at us. I determined to be the biggest tattletale Heaven has ever seen! I will tell the Father how he hounded us and harassed us and molested us at every turn. Nothing had been easy because the despicable rat has tried to ruin us at everything in life. I made my mind up that I would make him regret he had ever caused my death. I would be a thousand times more dangerous and troublesome to him in Heaven than I ever could be alive! I planned what my opening lines would be - and I would become a weapon against him in the Heavenlies! His actions against me, would come back on him in innumerable horrors! I remember saying, 'go ahead devil - and I will make you deeply regret you ever touched my life'!!!!!! I can still feel my determination and my fierce reaction to the whole experience. I threatened him and promised him what I would do when I got to Heaven.
I said within my self, 'Bring it on........'
With my mind made up, we went to the Hospital and while our church held their breath and prayed - I fell asleep under the surgeon's knife. Somehow during surgery a decision was made to go ahead and do a lumpectomy , and then it was discovered that the tumor was not cancerous! So I awoke to tubes and a relieved husband, and a slice of my body gone.
Slowly I recovered from the surgery and got back on my feet, with a dent shaped scar - that after time, completely filled back in. Yes the scar is still there - but the dent is gone.
My lesson? Do we as believers have the right to back down the enemy?
I can tell you that ......... I am still here.
I can give you scriptures. There are hundreds of them. One that was a source of strength to me was,
Psalms 27:2-5
When the wicked even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh they stumbled and fell.
Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear,though war should rise against me in this will I be confident.
One thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the House of the Lord all the days of my life to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in his pavilion. in the secret of his Tabernacle shall He hide me He shall set me up upon a Rock.
And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me therefore will I offer in His Tabernacle sacrifices of joy I will sing, yes I will sing praises unto the Lord.
I as a Pastor's wife, began to sing and lead worship after this experience.
That was powerful and a attitude of the LORD! GOD knows everything and it is in his WILL for our lifes! I just had a mamogram done month ago and then they called me and set up an appointment for another mamogram and showed me some calcium deposits. The Dr. was sure it was just calcium deposits. I said to her lets go a head and do a biopsy. The report came back in two days as positve cancer cells. I set up another appt. for a MRI the next day. The Dr. and stafff were wonderful and also a Christian. :) The report came back on Monday Oct 30th that the MRI on left breast looks good now but, they want to do a ultra sound on the right breast. Let me back up a moment on my second visit they did a ultra sound and could not see anything on it but, the second mamogram did. When I got the news from the Dr. I did not cry or get upset. I had prayed to God before all of this and said to him, God if this is in your will, I will understand that you may have me going through this to bring me closer in my relationship with you and for my family to be closer. I also said to the Lord that if I have to go through this maybe,it is even to minister to other women. I have a postive attitude and will let the Lord guide me through this all the way.
Posted by: Michelle Kiani | October 30, 2007 at 12:15 PM