Gayla's Magazine

My Update on Life Now...

After much prayer and decision making, I decided the best way to make my journey through the horrific pain and grief of losing 7 incredibly valuable people in my life, was to be transparent and share how God's help has brought me day by day into healing. This website was created   www.griefguideministries.com  because we all needed compassionate and positive support and a community ourselves. Almost overnight it became a great source of friendship and meaningful ministry for many women in grief also.  

                                                                                                                     I began a podcast called 'Growing the Leader Within'  of the actual GGM live lessons that are being taught and the link is below. It's on all major streaming platforms.   There are positive lessons being uploaded weekly.  It is now being downloaded in 14 nations as well as across America... and I pray it is a positive support and provides good coping skills to all those who know the Lord Jesus as their Saviour.

 Growing the Leader Within Podcast

There is now a book with 13 chapters called 'Beyond the First Year' - available now on Amazon. Another book is being published by the end of 2024. 

Link for Beyond the First Year

Also a journaling book  'My Grief Journal' book is being put together of my first steps God directed me to take in my own healing process.  All very helpful to learning how to breath again and to find comforting healing.      

There are other valuable tools now available to listen to through Spotify such as this CD musical project called 'Hymns for the Heart' with my own late husband singing the lead on many of the songs. 

 

From my own experiences in handling losses over the years, I have shared my personal coping skills in this project called 'Comfort in Grief' which is a soothing experience for stabilizing and centering a person of faith.  It is published publicly as well as available in a CD format.

This is a very comforting therapy to do when a grief storm hits and one can barely breath. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today the GGM lessons are also heard on the online radio station twice weekly (3am and 12noon cst on Mondays) at www.thebpginspirationalstation.com

 

These ministry tools were created In my loving honor of...

Bishop Gregory Holley - my husband of 45 years

Missionary to Africa - Joyce Latta - my mother

Missionary to Africa - Sam Latta - my father

Armed Forces - Tyler Latta - my nephew

Founder of the David Livingston Foundation - Dr Lonnie Rex - my mentor

Markie McGinnis - my daughters best friend 

Jose Garcia - my right hand worker every day

May these lessons, and events help every woman find comfort in loss.  Jesus said, He came to heal the brokenhearted, and I can attest that He is healing mine and many others in GGM.  God is doing something very special and it is marvelous in our eyes! 

A special thank you to those who have supported this work along the way. 

 

Pastor Angela Mooney has devoted HUNDREDS of hours to help with ideas, technology and support!

Bishop Jackie Davidson has been a friend and helped to give me the courage in the beginning that I could do this work! 

Pastor Susan Young has been a monthly care coach and given me her encouragement each month!

Bishop Dave Dolan has provided prayer covering and wisdom to help guide GGM along.  

Already there are countless widows who have come forward for comfort and care. 

 

 

 

Finding FUN in Funeral!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding FUN in Funeral

 

GGM Lessons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are now 48 Lessons on the Grief Guide Ministries website and live on my Podcast (Growing the Leader Within)  that I have written from my personal experiences of MANY losses.  It's become the way the Lord has helped me to uncover the secrets I did not know about coping, techniques, how to's and avoidance, living in peace and staying in His Presence, and above all starting to heal!  All of these (48 but soon to be 52 lessons) are found on the www.griefguideministries.com  site. 

I'm watching God change lives right beside me and that brings me such joy! 

Every single day someone comes to me in need because they are in such deep pain. All 48 lessons offer hope and education for the process of healing.                                                                                                             

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Expansion Requires Limitation

Expansion requires limitation. When the final page of life is written, and the redeemed soul ascends to glory, the loved one left in life must find a way to carry on. At first the loss is debilitating and the unspeakable grief as a wild unending storm. But as the slow progression of days fold one into another, a new form of living emerges.

One of aloneness and defined purpose. This keen awareness does not come to those who have not been through loss. For it is the extrapolation, that causes the depths of love to bring to the surface a new understanding, that to increase also means to decrease. For the growth that has happened became so, because of the loss of the loved one.

Seeing this is so… it brings the focal point of the mind to a new depth of purpose because of the loss. When life is emptied of balanced fullness it becomes a new vessel that the capacity has increased and accepts the highs and lows of life in a larger containment for future use. The loss itself, has brought a different usefulness and increased the understanding of God’s total care. And His unfolding Plan brings both tears and joy together.

One cannot expand without becoming limited in some way. It is the way of advancement… the wise see this and the enlargement of the future increases yet again.

For every step forward of hope, is found because of the incapacity to retain and keep all in life. One simply cannot increase, without losing something. The hands can only hold so much. So in God’s great love for His own, He gently removes… so He can add. Being found simply as the clay allowing Him to add and subtract as He wills, brings peace. ‘The Lord gives and He takes away’ is a profound truth for those who are found in His Plan.

But the increase that is found because of the missing, finds in the end, that the ‘missing’ wasn’t lost, but finally added back to the entirety again. After grief has ended and all things have been made new…when God has brought us all Home to Himself.

So loss isn’t lost, only now held closely and saved in Heaven for the future. So gather now… turn from the pain of loss… fuel your faith anew in focus… find the purpose for the present… leave the loved one safely on God’s Arms and seek for the pathway of usefulness for the next season of life. Your life counts.

The expansion of life awaits for those who accept the limitation and move towards God’s Plan personally. All is not lost, but rather the broken parts of your heart have been found now… safely at Home.

So move towards the unknown with this experience, and know that empty arms are meant to gather and the different pieces left of your heart can accept new depths of love and anointing. Precious tears are the price of true growth. Expansion requires limitation.

Hospital Tips for Covid Restrictions

Being stopped at the Hospital door and not allowed to go in to assist your very sick loved one is overwhelming to say the least! But there are ways to help your loved one in the hospital during Covid restrictions. While it’s certainly a challenge, the phone is your lifeline and eyes now.... keep it fully charged and the ringer on at all times. Your people skills will need to be applied to provide support for your sick family member. It’s a challenge for both the patient and the family member for sure, but here are some ways that can provide some solutions when you feel helpless to help.

For several days I was at a real loss and suffered anxiety until I started figuring out by myself what to do. After 5 days in ICU my husband was moved to a regular room, and by then I had started figuring out what to do to help VIRTUALLY. Maybe this information will help someone else in this situation as well. I have written these top tips simply to help others understand what they can do long distance when they can’t be right there beside their own loved one.

 

1. Questions:

Start making a list of questions you will have to ask the people who are involved in their care. Each day new questions may arise... it will give you peace of mind to be prepared when you talk to his/her caregivers.

 

2. Answers:

Each phone call make good notes as to who you are talking to, what part of the body are they involved in treating, what was said and the medications that are given and what side effects it might cause. This is your ONLY way to keep connections in the big maze of healthcare done when you can’t be there. They are just voices over the phone unless you make good notes w dates and times and names. That way you can help your loved one to understand what’s happening in their care.

 

3. Understand:

There are multiple Drs involved in their care. Each dept cares for a different body part. While this can give expert care to the patient, you can get confused easily unless you clearly know who the ‘blood dr’ is and who the ‘kidney dr’ is! Write each name and 'body part' down that they are taking care of.... this information is extremely helpful in all the confusion of the medical  care being given. 

 

4. Staff:

Each day and night there will be a different staff set that’s caring for them. Find out the nurse’s names, call the nurses station, introduce yourself and ask when is the best time to check in with them for updates daily. This lets them know you will be involved in the care of your loved one. Show appreciation for their personal care .... it could go a long way for better attention and helps them to know their patient from a more personal perspective. Then call every day just to check in.

5. Doctor:

Find out the name of the attending Resident Dr of the floor where your beloved is. And figure out how to get ahold of him/her if an emergency arises. I learned this the hard way!

6. Observation:

FaceTime daily with your honey and ask for them to show you the room. That way you can visually but silently see the upkeep or lack of it and make a note to talk about it w the staff. Don’t be afraid to ask the staff....you are the only eyes and ears that love him/her and what you see or find out is important on their recovery. Get food trays removed, clothes pick up off the floor and fresh blankets with your daily staffer calls.

 

7. Phone Calls:

Have your patient call you or request the Dr to call you while the Dr is in the room so you can hear and understand what’s happening. Make sure your phone number is given to Drs and staff.

 

8. Meals:

Eating is an issue for one who is very ill.... find out if they need liquids, a soft diet, regular or diabetic meals? They can’t just order off a menu, understand the timing the order must happen or choose best options for their dietary needs or they are not able to reach the phone. They are SICK. This needs to be addressed with the nursing staff each day.... if this isn’t addressed the patient simply will not eat or be fed. Ask me I know.

 

9. Who Can Help:

Find the Patient Advocacy dept and call them. Make a friend in this area and explore how they can help your loved one. They know you are extra worried because you are not allowed to be there and that can make a difference.

 

10. Charge Nurse:

When there is something going wrong medically and the nurse doesn’t seem to be in control, too busy or have the information at hand. You can call the Charge Nurse. This person is in charge of the floor and they can go make an assessment and see what the emergency is and make a decision to get help quickly.

 

11. PC Doctors:

Stay in touch with the patient’s PC Dr. This person will be able to help if they know pain levels, bleeding, new symptoms ect. They will have sent you to the hospital where they have hospital privileges. A PC Dr will know the procedures to follow, know the staffer/Drs in charge and help with care. They can go and come from there while you can’t and they will keep you informed as well.

 

12. Loved one:

The last phone call of each day pray with your loved one. You want the last voice they hear for the day to be positive, life giving and full of faith that God is with them through this situation. He is there when you cannot be..... and God loves them MORE than even you do. So pray.

 

Dr Gayla Holley

Christian Counselor

What to do when you can't go on...

In my experience of counseling people in need,  this information is vital for so many people. So I have written it here because many are too uncomfortable to come set down and talk. Everything you have been through has a tough edge to it for sure, but can also be used by the Lord to deepen, develop and strengthen us for the destiny he has ahead for each one of us. Do you have an issue you can't solve and feel like you are at the end of your rope?

 

Here is what to do..... 

1. Get on your knees and give it to God. Release it to Him. Tell him it’s more than you can bear.

2. Stop looking at the circumstances and only look at God.

3. Read Isaiah 36 till the end of the Book – till a verse(s) stands out or speaks to you… something will.

4. Put your name in the verse(s) and speak it aloud to yourself.

5. Write the verse(s) down and keep with you where you can see often.

6. Listen only to praise music – and make yourself sing with any of them that touch you.  Praise takes the situation out of the devils’ hands and puts it in God’s God inhabits the praises of His People. Praising God brings peace.

7. Wait…… be still…. Lean on God…. Reread your verses, stay in His Presence.

8. Obey His Word – ‘Trust in the Lord and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. ‘

9. God will fight your private battle for you – when you stop trying to figure it all out.

10. Watch God work on your behalf.

 He does amazing things when He is in full control of the situation.  This too will turn out to be a blessing if you allow God to rule and reign in the problem.  

 

 

 

Turning Over a New Leaf

The season changes and brings a new perspective to those in grief. Like the leaves of a tree silently fall when autumn steps in and strips the tree bare … growth in grief does the same for the hearts of those in mourning. Yet in time, new life slowly peeps out when the season changes again.

For now, life for you may be the season when the leaves of sorrow are falling, but the season will slowly change again in time. And the new growth of depth, purpose and the sense of your sacred loss becomes a priceless treasure. There are 16 new leafs to focus on in mourning. See how many you can spot now in your life.

1. Was I faithful to the end with each loved one I have lost?

2. Did I develop my own walk with God as a result of all of these tribulations I have faced?

3. Am I still standing in spite of it all?

4. I have to embrace the truth to heal, I have to accept their deaths and the end of their dreams. Have I accepted this yet?

5. God truly is the only one who can give the profound sense of safety & wellbeing. Have I turned to Him each time I am afraid?

6. Can I let go of the past with no regrets now?

7. Each crisis has challenged my own identity but also channeled me into Christ’s destiny and dignity for my life. Am I ready to go with God’s direction for my life?

8. Loss has refined my values & defined a new future for me to focus on. Can I see this?

9. It is time to take stock of what is left and gather my assets to use deliberately to build a new future. It’s not what I have lost… it’s what I have left that will be fuel for the future. What do I have left?

10. There is a chance to build a second life. After helping to build so many others, it’s now time to focus personally. Ready?

11. My launchpad of experience is the foundation of unshakeable faith. I have been created in the fires of adversity and I’m a deadly weapon in the hands of God. Do I know this yet?

12. The Angel of His Presence abides with me and there is access to His strength at any time. Do I actively use His anointing and abilities, staying conscious of Who stands beside me?

13. There are two sides to all things. Focus can remain on the positive side and the good that has come out of it all. Do I have a list of all the good?

14. There is freedom in Christ to choose what to think about… I don’t have to think about the painful past things ever again. Rule my thoughts with the Holy Spirit each day. Practice makes perfect… how do I plan to rule my thoughts today?

15. Expansion requires limitation. Do I understand this?

16. Turning over a new leaf in a new season happens when gratitude is chosen carefully. What am I thankful for today?

Yes the leaves are falling… but there will be new leaves formed in the future.

Dr Gayla

 

 

 

The Hair Scare

Sometimes it's just easier to go around wearing a hat! Why? Because hats make hair styles easy… and when the ‘wind blown’ look isn't what you want… it’s a fast answer.

Do you have wild hair? Unruly hair? Curly or straight hair? No hair? No matter how it looks you can always slap a hat on and hold it down!

Did you know there is a verse that likens many strands of hair to many strands of trouble? And that God has a response to this analogy about hair?  Hair is like our days.... some days it seems to be smooth sailing, but other days?  Hmmmm not so great right? 

 

Here is the verse about how you might feel like I do at times.

 

For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.

Psalms 40:12

 

BUT.........

YOU HAVE TO GO ON AND READ THIS!!!

Here is what God says about it…

 

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

No matter how you are feeling God knows and cares deeply about you!

No hair scare my friends......Brush your hair and slap a hat on if you wish and remember this today.

You are incredibly valuable to God!!

Dr Gayla

Message to Afghanistan’s Christians

Afghanistan… stand strong! Be bold! The Armies of Heaven and the Lord Himself stands beside you. Hold your heads up and look for your deliverance. There are millions of believers praying for you all. Do not be afraid, your redemption draws nigh. Even today. You have the eternal victory… be covered in the Might of God and let your voices proclaim the King of Kings. For you belong to a Kingdom not of this world and this present darkness cannot prevail over you. Pass thru easily and release your mighty voices in the last shout on earth and the first shout in Glory. You will shine like the stars in the crowns you shall receive eternally. Go with God our prayers are covering you this very day!

https://youtu.be/9dowS2k2TS4

 

I have shared dreams with people who just stare blankly without seeing the possibilities of a brighter day and a new future ahead. Only later to offer their advice for the dream based on a negative mindset.

Not. Helpful. 

Others share their dreams all around regardless of who is told, but never take the time to dig down, and educate themselves for a promising future. So nothing ever materializes from the dream. 

Not. Helpful. Either. 

It’s just  better just to say nothing… put your head down and train, train, train without saying a word.  One day the dream  will speak for itself… 

This is Helpful. 
Big dreams do come true

i

Three Parts

The  three parts of grief and the three parts to healing.

 

 

 

 

 

  The huge loss of the presence of the person is felt emotionally 24/7

1. The overwhelming physical changes to everyday life and the normal routines in life are now gone. 
2. The deep mental pain of psychological  security, the loss of self confidence, and the lost sense of well being. The longer one is married the greater these three areas are affected. 

The ONLY way to move forward is to take JESUS into every single day with you. 

1. His Presence is ever near and can fill the empty spaces in every room when worship is present. Keep worship going on every level. 
2. He can make the everyday life changes easier both practical and naturally when asked each time. Be conscious and present with Him at all times.  
3. He brings the Holy Spirit which enables psychological strengths to grow stronger.  Praying in the Holy Spirit builds up the inner person.                                THIS is how healing begins.... 
4. www.griefguideministries.com